5 Words that Changed My Life
I want to share a mantra today that, quite literally, changed the course of my life.
For many of us, especially women, owning our value and standing firmly in our worth is a concept that’s fraught with insecurity.
Which makes sense, unfortunately. Many of us have been conditioned by society (let alone our families of origin) to not be too loud, too showy, or too boastful.
Quite the opposite, in fact. As girls and women we’re praised when we demure and deflect. We’re called ‘good girls’ when we take up as little space as possible. When we’re seen and not heard.
This conditioning means that, quite understandably, when we find ourselves in moments that require authentic self-advocacy or even self-promotion – we freeze.
I’m certainly not immune to this myself. For most of my life I struggled to feel confident in my skills, let alone verbalize and claim my gifts as my own.
It started in school, and it followed me throughout my career – negatively impacting me in salary negotiations, year-end performance reviews, and even in my ability to stand up to sexist microaggressions and insensitive comments in the breakroom.
Nowhere was this struggle more apparent than when I started my own business… and I suddenly had to have “sales conversations.”
Like a job interview on steroids, a sales conversation for a self-employed person is a make-it-or-break moment.
You either show up confident in your value and the results you can offer, or you don’t make the sale.
Which is the point at which my life-changing mantra showed up.
After one too many failed sales calls, I enrolled in a sales course for women business owners. And during the training, the coach said the five words that changed my life:
“I am offering, not asking.”
In an instant, I recognized the power of this reframe.
All my life I had asked other people to see my value for me. Give me the salary I deserve. Recognize me with a promotion. Scoop me up and present me with the opportunities I quietly worked so hard for.
Newsflash: that didn’t work.
On the other hand, when I stand confidently and assuredly in my value, everything I have to give becomes an offer I can make to you.
Not only that: when I can own my talents and skills – and generously put them to use for your benefit – I am not only serving you, but I am showing you that it’s safe to do the same!
In short: I am a gift. And you are, too.
No matter how (or if) you celebrate the holiday season, gift giving is most definitely in the air right now.
We buy presents for our family, we give year-end tokens to the mail carriers, we wrap up Secret Santa gifts…
But today I want you to remember that YOU are the best gift you can offer to the world.
Each of us has our own unique combination of talents, skills and value. Like your thumbprint, what you have to offer is yours – and you offer it by standing in your own worth.
Importantly, owning and offering your value doesn’t mean that other people can’t do the same. It’s not a zero sum game. It also doesn’t mean that you’re being boastful or selfish or indulgent.
In fact, it’s the most generous thing you can do.
You are a gift – now go out there and offer it!
Onward,
