My go-to method for getting out of overwhelm (Week 4)
When I was a kid, I used to get overwhelmed. A lot. Usually about homework.
A big project due date would be looming on the horizon, and I’d be in tears. It all felt so urgent, and so unclear.
Where do I start? How do I get going? And how will I ever get it all done in time?
In those tough moments, my mom would sit me down with a few sheets of printer paper and a pencil and we’d map it out: what was due, by when, and what steps needed to be taken to get there.
These planning sessions are where I learned to take big goals and break them down into smaller chunks (which is one thing I help my clients with now!).
But what I really learned in these moments? To get the information out of my head and onto paper.
Here’s what I mean.
On the surface, ‘getting it down on paper’ sounds like a simple, and pretty obvious, piece of advice. And yet, I see it time and again with my clients:
When we feel unsure or confused – say, about our goals or our plans or a problem we want to solve – we think about it.
In fact, for many of us, we think and we think and we think… which is exhausting!
What’s worse: all this overthinking makes us feel even more confused, frustrated and worn out (which makes getting unstuck all the more difficult!).
A lot of your uncertainty – a lot of your ‘stuckness’ – is actually because you’re trying to keep track of it all in your head.
Taking the time to write your thoughts down isn’t just the fastest way to get clear on what’s going on and what to do next…
It’s the best way to unburden yourself.
When something’s out of your head and on paper, you can finally DO something about it.
When you see it, you can solve it.
This week we’re practicing one of the most important behaviors in your Life Design toolkit: Define.
Defining what’s actually going on. Where you’re actually feeling stuck. And what your options actually are.
And we’re going to do it with pen and paper (my Mom will be so proud 😍). Here’s how:
Find a quiet spot to sit, think and write. Take a moment to consider an area of your life where you’re feeling stuck. On your sheet of paper, draw three columns and label each one:
What’s working?
What’s not working?
What’s the opportunity?
In the first column, list the things that are working in this area of your life. What’s positive here? What are the good bits? Go for quantity and write down as many items as you can.
The second column is really where the ‘unburdening’ comes in. Write down all the crummy, painful, annoying, confusing and frustrating things about this part of your life. Really let it rip!
The third column is more future-facing. What’s the potential? What are your options for the future? If you did the Values activity from Week 2 and the Questioning activity from Week 3, you likely have some insight into areas of opportunity already. If not, list as many potential ‘best guesses’ as you can!
For example, if you’re feeling stuck in your job, your list might look something like this:
After you’ve made your list, stand up, take a stretch, grab a sip of water, and then come back to your seat.
Reviewing all 3 columns with fresh eyes – what do you notice across each list?
What themes do you see? What patterns are emerging? What tensions can you spot?
In the sample above, you might notice a theme around people (great coworkers, stressful clients). What meaning do you make about the people you want to collaborate with going forward?
You might notice the tension between having a flexible schedule in theory, but feeling like you need to always be ‘on’ in practice. Or, that your job offers great benefits, but it comes at the cost of having to sacrifice family time. What’s important about these tensions?
You might see the connection between feeling bored by your current projects, and the opportunity to raise your hand for an upcoming project that sounds interesting. What might your next step be?
Give it a try and then let me know: what’s becoming more clear to you now?
📚 As grad season rolls on – support your graduating friends and family by gifting them the complete 4-volume collection of “100 Days of Designing My Life: The Reflection Journal.”
🎤 Last week I led a super fun Life Design workshop in D.C. and was reminded of the power of being in community to help us get unstuck and ready to take action. Read more (and let me know if you’d like me to bring this workshop to your group this summer!).
🫶 Next week I’ll be popping into your inbox with deets on my Summer Sprint Sessions – 3 coaching calls with me to get unstuck and get started this summer. Want the details early (and get $50 off)? Hit reply and I’ll hook you up!
Onward,
