Reflecting on My Motherhood Journey
It’s official: I am the mother of a teenager!
My kiddo turned 13 on Friday, and wow. Just, wow!
Eli’s birthday has meant a lot of different things to me over the years. Of course, it’s first and foremost a marker of the incredible person he’s becoming.
But it’s also a day that’s held important meaning for me. For a long time, January 16th represented the memory of my traumatic labor and delivery. A date that marked the violence that changed my body, my sense of self, forever.
With every year that passes, the texture of January 16th changes for me. Somewhere along the way (maybe around birthday #10), I started feeling less sad on the inside and more curious.
Curious about what it meant to parent a ten year-old, sure. But also: What it meant to have been engaged in the experience of motherhood for a decade.
As my child steps into his 13th year, I find my feelings about January 16th shifting yet again.
This time around, what I’m noticing is how much I have learned. Not just about parenting, but about who I am as a mother.
The mother I was 13 years ago sacrificed everything she had, everything she was, for her child.
The mother I am today is boundaried, clear, and on her own side first.
The mother I was 13 years ago doubted her decisions and instincts, and deferred to others for what was “right.”
The mother I am today stands firmly in her self-trust and intuition for her path forward.
The mother I was 13 years ago didn’t know how to ask for help. She felt isolated, anxious, and responsible for it all.
The mother I am today knows that receiving help is a beautiful Yes – something that fuels and connects the giver as much as the receiver.
Part of me wishes I could go back to my new-mom self and whisper reassurance in her ear, remind her to shower, and to ask for help sooner.
But part of me also knows:
I am the mother I am today because of the mother I was 13 years ago.
So maybe I wouldn’t change a thing.
Try This Out
You may be a parent, or you may not. This post actually isn’t about parenting at all.
It’s about reflecting on the journey that’s created You. Today’s version of You, at least.
There’s no doubt in my mind that you’ve gone through tough moments. That you have memories of bittersweet sadness mixed with grateful appreciation.
The loss of a loved one.
Moving out of your childhood home.
Overcoming trauma.
Today, I invite you to reflect on how your understanding of that moment has shifted with time, learning and growth. Think about a specific memory and consider:
How did I originally relate to or make sense of this moment? What did I make it mean about me at the time it happened?
How has my understanding of this moment changed with time? What has softened and gotten smoother? What has hardened and crystallized?
What message, if any, would I like to share with the past version of Me? The one whose experience of this moment was fresh and unprocessed?
In what ways am I grateful for this version of Me? For what they navigated and moved through?
And my favorite question of all: What’s important about that?
What To Do Next
One of my biggest areas of expansion over the past 13 years has been learning to trust myself.
If you feel called to explore your own self-trust – and ways to grow it – check out my workshop, From Self-Doubt to Self-Trust: 4 Steps to Reconnect with Your Authentic Self.
Sending you a hug for the week ahead.
Onward,
