Why Resolutions Fail

Another new year, another chance to eat healthy, I told myself.

After two weeks of “off-the wagon” eating – I mean, isn’t the point of the holidays to indulge? – I woke up on January 1st ready to get back on the program.

No gluten, no dairy, no fun.

Whether it’s about food, exercise, work, our love lives – we love to make resolutions. 

I will go to the gym five mornings this week.

I will find a higher-paying job by September 1st.

I will go on three dates this month.

And yet, how often do resolutions actually work? I’m no expert, but I think it’s safe to say that keeping a resolution is not as easy as it seems.

But why?

It’s because our Doing is out of whack with our Being.

Confused? Here’s what I mean.

Imagine we’re building a house. Before we can pick out paint colors or decide on the light fixtures for the upstairs bathroom, we have to pour the concrete.

We have to start with our foundation. And our foundation is Being.

Being is how we want to show up in the world. It’s who we want to be, how we want to experience our lives and relationships, even how we want to feel in our bodies. That’s our Being.

Without our Being – without that strong foundation – any Doing that we want to do will fall down. 

Doing must be built on Being.

Now, Doing is all those resolutions we’re talking about: the decisions we make, the actions and plans we create, the milestones we check off our list. 

But just like in our house, it doesn’t matter what the cabinets in the kitchen look like if the foundation isn’t solid.

Let’s take a more concrete (pun-intended) example: a job search.

A recent coaching client of mine, we’ll call her Megan, was eager to find a new job. In fact, she’d been eagerly looking for over a year. And diligently, consistently, she’d been applying all that time.

So much Doing.

And yet, no matter how many interviews she got, they never converted into offers. What the heck was going on?

Together we coached on her resolution. And as we unpacked all the Doing she’d done, it became abundantly clear: she’d neglected her Being.

Sure, she’d been going through the motions of applying etc. But all that action was falling short because she hadn’t connected it to her spirit, energy and presence (her Being).

Why? 

There are so many reasons we avoid our Being.

Because it feels hard. Because it can be emotional. Because we want and wish everything could have an easy answer, a quick fix, a solution.

In Megan’s case: I need a job. So I apply for jobs.

Once Megan realized she was putting her Doing before her Being, she instantly understood why she wasn’t having success in her search.

You can’t build a house without a foundation.

You can’t get to the gym 5 days a week without knowing why it matters.

You can’t replace your old job if you’re not sure who you want to be in your next one.

You can’t neglect your Being if you want to make change that sticks.

So – how do you want to Be today? What words come to mind?

Present…?

Calm…?

Joyful…?

Connected…?

Inspired…?

And what’s one small action you can take to get yourself into that way of Being, right now? 

A two minute meditation…

Snuggling with a pet…

Calling a friend…

Getting back under the covers…

Going for a run…

If you’re inspired, I’d love to know what you chose.

PS: Is 2024 the year you’re ready to commit to Being more authentically you? I have one spot open for a new one-on-one coaching client – maybe it’s yours!
Read more about working with me, then submit your interest form and let’s talk!